the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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