so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
