I wish life had little blips of pornography
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
