I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
