Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
