You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
