She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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