her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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