Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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