I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
