She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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