I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
