Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
