brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
