well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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