Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
