I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
