I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
