I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
