i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
