She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize