who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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