Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
