I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
