First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
