Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
