I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
