Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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