I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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