just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Go christen that room with your naked body.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
