Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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