I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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