I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize