Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
