Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
