I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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