before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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