You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
