i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
