There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
