Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
