Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I need to sanitize my soul.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
