I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
