well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
