Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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