why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
