things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
