Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
