I'm laying in your front yard are you home
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
