I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
