Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize