You're completely useless in the revolution.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
