I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
