Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
