Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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