I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
