The maid of honor just puked.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
