What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize