New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
