I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
