It's like God shit irony all over that family
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
