i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
