The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
