He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
