I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
