This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
