Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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