What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
