this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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