Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
