I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
