the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize