i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it hurts more in the daytime
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize