I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
4 words: hood of his car
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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