at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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