Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
