when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
